Birthday, another year elapsed.
Each year I reflect on my life. A birthday creeps up and I am driven to contemplate and recall, with gratitude, all that has transpired. In a way, I feel this is the only way I can transition from one year of life to the next- only if I give time for reflection. Honestly, because, when all is said and done, I seem to forget a lot of what happened. haha.
I’ll laugh, I’ll breathe a sigh of relief, I may even feel waves of melancholy… for time is a current that moves all- none are spared.
How best do we move through life? How best do you live this life ‘right’?
I find myself fired up to live a life worth living, to do this ‘thing called life,’ to do it justice.
Is this an unnecessary self imposed burden? Maybe. But it is mine to bear.
My own standard; to live boldly, with heart, lovingly, fiercely, consciously, and fully.
I go to sleep at night thinking, did I do enough? But really, did I?
Did I love enough? Did I give enough?
Am I proud of the way I have lived today, or even this whole year?
What have I learned? What can I do better?
For those that may be curious about my life, I got married at 23. Published my first book shortly after. Sprinted through my Masters in 2 years. Then ran off to India at 25, blowing off my Masters graduation- trading the pomp-and-circumstance of graduation for some remote village hospital in South Indian where I lived with my Ayurveda Guru. I ping-ponged around India and the world. I got inspired and published a coloring book. Supported my husband in his journey to become a Rolfer in the beautiful Boulder CO for a year.
After, opened up a clinic in Indiana combining all we learned, and teaching yoga half the year in the USA.
At 27, our Ayurveda Guru gave us positions along side him in his hospital in India, of course we closed everything in Indiana and ran to be by his side- to help and do clinical research.
It didn’t make sense to close everything in Indiana and run back to India for the opportunity to work at a hospital. But something in me knew that, to be in the company of our Ayurveda Guru was important to teach me bigger values than just what Ayurveda medicines to give for what disease.
What is devotion? What is love…
I think I needed to learn that more…
Then 28, brutal year in the beginning. Brutal. Major karmic debt being payed, major. I will just leave it at that. Sometimes life throws things at you that test every fiber of your being, and for a couple months there, I think I, and a lot of the world, was in such a predicament. I wish suffering on no one. If it wasn't for this experience I don't know if I would feel this deeply- I can truly cry and bleed for the abandoned and the destitute. These are my people. The people life has labored to the ground-to humility. It is here, that opportunity lives, where God lives.
But now, as life would have it, we are living in Kauai, and have a clinical practice here. We are still blown away as to how this all transpired. What a whirlwind, mustn't have messed up too badly for us to land here, haha.
I am now painting again after 5 years. I metaphorically slap myself for taking so long to get back to painting. But it was a warm welcome back and the time was right… I needed the experience of life to give a certain depth to my character that I hope shines through when I paint portraits.
I come to the doorstep of age 29 this April.
Age: a reminder of Time… Well, 'Time' reminded me quite clearly of itself this year with my first gray hairs.
I dont even care that I am nearing 30. I look forward to continuing to settle more and more into myself, a gift that only age brings. Its been alot of fun...
What defines life for you? Family? Career?
For me, it is my spiritual path and giving.
Prioritizing the inner environment over the outer environment isn't always easy.
Giving has become important to me. Right when I think the world is conspiring to give me something, I am quickly flipped and shown a smirk from the divine that I must be the one doing the giving. It was a reminder, that I must have enough already if I am being called to give what ever it is that I have.
We might think we don't know enough, or have enough. But then you have people that are brought into your life for your own unique gifts- being an in-the-flesh demonstration of your worthiness and readiness to step into sharing yourself and your time. What ever I am looking for, it is found in the attitude of giving… which, for me, is just another word for 'love in action.'
We are all here for each other. We may have come into this world alone, and leave alone, but in the middle of it all, by helping others- we really end up helping ourselves.
In India it is tradition that on your birthday, or if anything big happens to you, you buy sweets and share them with any and everyone. You could see families on the side of the road handing out sweets to any passerby and getting flooded with well wishes and congratulations from the whole village. We once bought sweets to hand out, just because not for any reason, and immediately people would take a sweet and say
"Oh, is it your birthday?! Happy Birthday!"
It is this much ingrained, haha. This is the contrast of India and the Western world. In the West on your birthday you spoil yourself. But in India, you spoil others.
Thank you for reading.
some pics...
Such a beautiful life and soul. This planet is blessed by your presence. To exist along side you a gift. 🙏♥️